I was in the elevator this morning and I was staring at the floor to avoid making eye contact with the annoying cheerful people who like to say hello to every man, women and ficus tree that they may pass on the way to their office. While staring at the floor, I tend to examine people's feet. Sometimes I admire a cute pair of shoes other times it is merely to see that most men do not know that black socks do not go with brown shoes. But today was no usual day...no. Today I see a woman wearing sandals who had some of the longest toe nails I has ever seen. she had a french pedicure with the white tip extending way past the end of her toe.
What the hell is up with this. Hello all people everywhere. Toe nails are meant to be short. Pretty soon I expect to see women with lee press-on nails glued to their tootsies. You know maybe with hot pink polish and some glue on crystals, or maybe a classy airbrush pattern. And if I ever do see this I will laugh loudly while pointing at the offending toe, also making choice remarks about the persons obviously unsophisticated upbringing.
Toe offenders - consider yourself warned!
I mean really! This has now topped "pantyhose with open toed shoes" as my number one foot related pet peeve.
Side note:
Oh and has anyone seen the new Heidi from the Hills music video? She is dressed like Jane Fonda in a 1980's aerobic video complete with leotard and sweatbands and other weird badly dressed sweaty people in the background. It makes me long for the days of her screeching on a beach showing off her wing span.
PS. I am typing this on a braille keypad because I gouged my own eyes out.
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2 comments:
The way you describe this person reminds me of that scene in Jurassic Park where Our Heroes are hiding in the kitchen and the velociraptors stalk them, menacingly tapping their long-ass foot claws on the tile floor.
Maybe your elevator lady likes to stalk people and it's part of her evil plan to strike fear into the hearts of all of her victims.
Ugly toes are way better than people who stand in crowded elevators and fart thinking that no one will know who it is (Bangs, are you listening?)
Personally, I think the idea of press-on toe nails has some possibility. I could wear a stilletoenail (patent pending) and replace my Puerto Rican Spick Kickers!
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