Do your toe nails look like fingernails?

I was in the elevator this morning and I was staring at the floor to avoid making eye contact with the annoying cheerful people who like to say hello to every man, women and ficus tree that they may pass on the way to their office. While staring at the floor, I tend to examine people's feet. Sometimes I admire a cute pair of shoes other times it is merely to see that most men do not know that black socks do not go with brown shoes. But today was no usual day...no. Today I see a woman wearing sandals who had some of the longest toe nails I has ever seen. she had a french pedicure with the white tip extending way past the end of her toe.

What the hell is up with this. Hello all people everywhere. Toe nails are meant to be short. Pretty soon I expect to see women with lee press-on nails glued to their tootsies. You know maybe with hot pink polish and some glue on crystals, or maybe a classy airbrush pattern. And if I ever do see this I will laugh loudly while pointing at the offending toe, also making choice remarks about the persons obviously unsophisticated upbringing.
Toe offenders - consider yourself warned!

I mean really! This has now topped "pantyhose with open toed shoes" as my number one foot related pet peeve.

Side note:
Oh and has anyone seen the new Heidi from the Hills music video? She is dressed like Jane Fonda in a 1980's aerobic video complete with leotard and sweatbands and other weird badly dressed sweaty people in the background. It makes me long for the days of her screeching on a beach showing off her wing span.

PS. I am typing this on a braille keypad because I gouged my own eyes out.

Which Immigration Law Firm Character are you?

Have you ever wondered which character you would be if you worked in an Immigration Law Firm? People stop me on the street almost everyday and ask for advice on how to answer this age old question. After careful consideration, I have created the following quiz a la Cosmo quiz style, to end this crisis of self discovery.

1. When you think of home you think of..?
a) THE GHETTO
b) Magnetic Poetry arranged in dirty phrases
c) Orthodox Jews
d) Husband, child, rainbows and sunshine
e) No heat and water flooding your ceiling

2. Which is your ideal pet?
a) a dead plant
b) a wine somalie
c) a cat that projectile vomits
d) a cat that pees on you while you are asleep
e) a cat that plays fetch like a dog

3. What is your religion?
a) Shoes
b) New Yorker
c) Lapsed Catholic
d) Puerto Rican
e) Catholic, but only because you like the idea of Purgatory

4. Which item would most likely be found in your desk drawer at work?
a) Smelly hand lotion
b) Smokes
c) Paper weight that really should be displayed proudly on your desk
d) Phallic shaped hair product
e) You don't have a desk drawer
f)Files on your co-workers

5. Which most closely resembles your future goals?
a) Shoes
b) Shoes
c) To own all the items ever offered on HSN
d) Move back to Seattle
e) Either be left alone or to achieve world domination...depends on your mood

6. When accosted on the street how do you react?
a) As long as they aren't yelling at you in Spanish with a bullhorn it doesn't really bother you
b) You yell back at the person because you have had a really bad day and you can't believe they just told you that you have a fat ass
c) I am too cool to be accosted
d) Laugh loudly at them (And I mean really loud) and continue on your way
e) You yell back and follow the people down the street continuing to point out their short comings and asking if they would like to come back and say it to your face

7. Which of the following is most likely to happen to you?
a) Wear two different shoes to work
b) Fall out of a cab and end up needing stitches
b) Having a bird shit on you
c) This kind of stuff doesn't happen to me, or else I just don't tell people when it does
e) Run into a parked car while riding your bike on an empty street

8. How do you handle a difficult co-worker?
a) Kick office doors when they make you mad
b) Spy on them to gather ammunition
c) Stare blankly at co-worker in disbelief that they actually had the balls to say/do that to you
d) Really spy on them to gather ammunition, such as breaking into their locked desk drawers
e) Fashion a homemade voodoo doll from office supplies

9. How do you feel about ninjas?
a) I wish I was a ninja
b) I wonder which job code ninjas would fit under and whether or not I will need to create a new data sheet for ninja specific cases
c) I couldn't possibly care any less about ninjas
d) I think ninjas look great on band-aids
e) I am a ninja


SCORING

Which character are you?

If you answered mostly a) you are Gina. You are very girly with cute shoes and an obsession about whether or not your hair looks like you just stuck your finger in a light socket. You love ninjas. You do not own a pair of tennis shoes and you are completely devoid of sweat glands.

If you answered mostly b) you are Kevina. You are stylish and also love cute shoes, however sometime you are absentminded and you wash said cute shoes in the washing machine. You tend to a bit clumsy and have weird shit happen to you. Lesser people look up to you for your ability to wear white pants and not spill stuff on yourself, it's practically a super power.

If you answered mostly c) you are Lauren. You are a stylish professional attorney. You have a great sense of humor, but sometimes you have to pretend to be an adult which is just no fun at all. You have great purses and a little chicken that poops candy for Easter. Your feet are deathly allergic to the sun and you always have the remains of a previous meal on your desk.

If you answered mostly d) you are Deb. You are a tiny Puerto Rican with an awesomely loud laugh. You are the office mom, but a cool mom who drinks and curses and tells inappropriate jokes. You tend to wear stripped pants to the office and refer to your child as "the offspring"

If you answered mostly e) you are Amanda and you are just freakin fabulous!!!

If you answered f) to any of the questions please go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200

The Express

Super Happy Fun Times ultimate dream: To be featured in the "Blog Log" in the Washington Post Express paper.

As an avid express reader and lover of random shit, it would be my greatest achievement to be featured in in the Blog log column. Unfortunately, they seem to favor posting blogs that feature quasi-relevant or recent events, which you will have discovered by now, is not super happy fun time.

Rather than pander to the news grubbing elite, I will just continue to spew random shit and mentioning my dream of being in the Express in hopes that an editor will someday stumble across Super Happy Fun Time and see how perfect this blog would be for their paper.

As a back up plan I will include a few key Boolean search terms for current events:

McCain, Sex Kidnapper Puppy Cloner, Obama AND Paris Hilton, Naked Germans AND Poland, Grey Poupon.

Ninjas - Part 2

When I think of Spring time, I think of Ninjas

And alas, since it is no longer Spring-time, I am officially unable to continue to post of the topic of Ninjas. I know dear readers, the grief is just too much to handle, but be strong. I know you can get through this trying time. The Ninja lovers support group will be help every weekday night at Gina's apartment at 8pm. We will watch "Ninja of the Night" every sessions as well as visit "Ask a Ninja" for guidance on how to conduct our lives until Spring comes once again.

If you are feeling weak between the support groups, please utilize the ninja related links listed under Other Super Happy Fun Things.

Live Strong!